Father’s Day Wish List

The minions asked me what I want for Father’s Day. It’s simple:

I want to spray Roundup on the driveway weeds. Since my first born, the cracks have come to life. I want to deforest.

Without anyone bothering me.

I want to do a full forensic analysis – a genuine crime scene – and figure out which of my spawn put their mits all over the LED flat screen.

Without anyone bothering me.

I want to cut wood things with saws. Even if for no reason. Tree limbs and boards. Then nail and screw them back together.

Without anyone bothering me.

I want to patch the hole in the wall. Hahahahahaha I have three kids – I mean patch the holeS in the wallS.

Without anyone bothering me.

I want to have a beer. Just to kill some time until my second beer.

Without anyone bothering me.

I want to mow the lawn. Mow the lawn? Yup, mow the lawn.

Without anyone bothering me.

And I want to poop. And remain upon the perch in pooping position for an extended period of time even after pooping.

And without anyone bothering me.