After the minions leave the nest: A father’s to-do list 

Welcome back kids. Please grab a metal folding chair and do not THINK about making yourselves at home… Kids, I have a to-do list that I’ll begin taking care of when #3’s lease expires on his 18th birthday. I believe all subsidized housing should have an end date, and our …

Father’s Day Wish List

The minions asked me what I want for Father’s Day. It’s simple: I want to spray Roundup on the driveway weeds. Since my first born, the cracks have come to life. I want to deforest. Without anyone bothering me. I want to do a full forensic analysis – a genuine …

A thought on the nobility of policing

We are rightly critical of journalists and members of the public who misrepresent the work that we do as police officers. Do we not therefore owe it to ourselves to be equally critical of fellow police officers who, by their actions, misrepresent the work we do? Internal integrity is just …

Coincidence?

Sometimes you come across the damnedest coincidence.  Today while riding the train I ran into a young lady who, several years ago while at college, had a frightening accident.  While biking down a steep hill, she rounded a curve and crashed head-on into a man riding a golf cart up the …

How many Silver Alerts does a man need?

Don’t let previous blog posts or commentary about the in-laws fool you, I love old folks just as much as the next guy.  They’re like cute, lovable, excessively wrinkly babies – except they need a special lift to get into bed. And just like kids, they wander.  I don’t mind …

Viral YouTube NYC Subway Slap Video: Etiquette lessons learned

Recently, an another viral YouTube video was born after some debauchery aboard a subway train in New York City ended with a girl getting slapped clear across a train car.  Who was it that said there is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action? Now, while previous lessons were geared …

Glitter allergy

When contemplating fatherhood (read: when your wife tells you she’s pregnant), you expect certain hurdles. You hear things like “good luck getting any sleep” and “if I ever see another dirty diaper again…” These things are hardly surprising, but there are some things that sneak up on you.  They’re not in …

Calling all old people

As you know, your aunt works with with the elderly.  It has never been fully explained to me what she does, but I do know she gives them sex education classes, shuttles them around in her Honda (to soccer games?), counts their nickles at bingo night, and helps place them …

Writing to children

I was recently asked why I write to my daughters when they are not yet old enough to read. First, I intend to raise children that will one day be able to read.  I’ll at least give it a shot.  So we’ll call it an archive for now. Second, with …

Stupid wooded areas

When I was in shop class in school the teacher gave a lesson on power tool safety. To get his point across, he showed us photos of what happens when you don’t respect a jig saw. It wasn’t pretty but it kept us further from the business end of the …