How many Silver Alerts does a man need?

Don’t let previous blog posts or commentary about the in-laws fool you, I love old folks just as much as the next guy.  They’re like cute, lovable, excessively wrinkly babies – except they need a special lift to get into bed. And just like kids, they wander.  I don’t mind …

Mother Nature fails me again

 

Mother Nature forgets your old man every time. It rains everywhere else in the world except on my lawn.

Rain radar photo

Viral YouTube NYC Subway Slap Video: Etiquette lessons learned

Recently, an another viral YouTube video was born after some debauchery aboard a subway train in New York City ended with a girl getting slapped clear across a train car.  Who was it that said there is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action? Now, while previous lessons were geared …

Glitter allergy

When contemplating fatherhood (read: when your wife tells you she’s pregnant), you expect certain hurdles. You hear things like “good luck getting any sleep” and “if I ever see another dirty diaper again…” These things are hardly surprising, but there are some things that sneak up on you.  They’re not in …

Calling all old people

As you know, your aunt works with with the elderly.  It has never been fully explained to me what she does, but I do know she gives them sex education classes, shuttles them around in her Honda (to soccer games?), counts their nickles at bingo night, and helps place them …

Overheard at the family residence

The missus: WHAT DRYER SETTING DO YOU PUT THESE THINGS ON??? Me: Tumble dry The missus: WHAT’S TUMBLE DRY??? Me: No heat The missus: I DON’T SEE TUMBLE DRY!!! Me: It’s called ‘fluff air’ on our machine The missus: I DON’T SEE ‘NO HEAT’!!! Me: FLUFF AIR! It’s called FLUFF …

DSM Safety Banner – Enhancing Officer Safety

I sometimes run into things that seem so simple that I wonder why they haven’t become universal.  That was precisely my thought when I came across a remarkably unsophisticated officer safety product.  If you wear a uniform, you take it off at some point.  Even when off duty, you are …

Writing to children

I was recently asked why I write to my daughters when they are not yet old enough to read. First, I intend to raise children that will one day be able to read.  I’ll at least give it a shot.  So we’ll call it an archive for now. Second, with …

Stupid wooded areas

When I was in shop class in school the teacher gave a lesson on power tool safety. To get his point across, he showed us photos of what happens when you don’t respect a jig saw. It wasn’t pretty but it kept us further from the business end of the …

Your Great-Grandmother Is Really Something

Your great-grandmother watches true-crime investigative shows on TV and inevitably falls asleep in the middle of the episode.  By the time she wakes up the next episode is already well underway. Not realizing this, she ponders aloud how a burglary investigation has now led to a double murder conviction. Old people nod …